Are You Crazy…?
So, two weeks ago I gave my two weeks notice to The Chamber and today is my last day. I know what you’re thinking, “Are you crazy, in this economy?” I’ve gotten the same response from a number of people; but in fact, I’m quite sane. You see this isn’t a rash decision. I didn’t wake up one morning and say “I think I’ll quit my job today.” It has been a process that God has been doing in my life for a number of months (although I didn’t recognize that until about a month ago.)
You see it started about three months ago. I started feeling convicted over things that seemed innocuous. For example, I would be checking in on Foursquare and I would start feeling guilty like I had done something wrong. I didn’t understand it, so I decided I would stop using it until I could feel peace about it again. After a few weeks, I still didn’t have peace about it and I started feeling the same thing about numerous social media sites/apps. I felt God leading me to take a break from my 16 hour internet based life. This happens from time to time, but this time felt different; it felt more permanent. After about a week of refraining from social media, I started feeling normal again; I was more at peace than I had been in months.
At this point, I took a hard look at myself and started evaluating the true value and necessity of numerous things in my life. There was a need in my heart to let go of some of the things I had clung so tightly to. God pressed me to let go of my TV (I loved my TV); so I did. I needed to stop spending my entire weekends watching Netflix and sleeping; so I started waking up earlier and tried to make use of my day (I’m still working on that one.) My iPod was a stressor to living in a manner where I had no worries, so it had to go as well. As I started to let go, I realized that these were all points of pride in my life and “Pride goes before destruction.”
Furthermore, I realized that I had come to rely on money as my provision and greatest resource instead of God…I “worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator.” I was horribly/wonderfully convicted. How had I drifted so far from my core beliefs? How had I become so materialistic and prideful. That’s when the other shoe dropped. I was supposed to give notice to my job and live by faith for awhile. I thought “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a moment. Is this really from God? I know “If a man will not work, he shall not eat,” and yet, “we walk by faith, not by sight.” I wrestled with this for over a week, going back and forth “Is this me, or is this The Lord?…Is this me, or is this The Lord?” Then it happened. I was listening to my boss speak about a passion for your workplace and he said something to the effect of “if this has become just a job and not your passion, maybe you shouldn’t be here.” Boom, crack smack; it hurt, but it was true. Still, I found myself struggling with the same question “Is this me, or is this The Lord?…Is this me, or is this The Lord?” The next day I was working at my cubicle and I heard almost word for word the same phrase in a completely unrelated conversation by an unrelated person. That was it. At that moment it clicked.
Now you’re probably asking yourself “So, now what are you going to do?” My answer…I have no idea, but I know the Lord is going to take care of me and He has given me peace. Although there is the chance this may be a very rough time in my life, I’m extremely excited to see where God is going to take me and what He is going to teach me.
“The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (NASB)